I’ll cut to the chase. This is about successful fat loss.

I hadn’t looked at my bottom for a while. In its naked form I mean. I was trying on underwear and I wanted to upgrade from sensible shorts style to more of a floozy Brazilian to see if I could weather the storm of discomfort.

But it wasn’t so much discomfort as disillusionment. I’m sure I didn’t always have bits of bottom that fell out beneath the knicker line and which refused to be captured. Like the proverbial wriggling ferret in a sack… though not as cute.

Alarmed by how little of my buttock was actually enmeshed in knicker, I tried to rectify the situation by tensing them. You know… to pull them in and hopefully up. I gasped out loud. The smooth skin suddenly puckered and creased into an expression of disgust. If buttocks could speak, mine would be saying, “Hey girlfriend, we got some work to do there…”.

“Can I help you, Madam?”, called the assistant, “Are you ok in there?”

“Yes, I’m fine”, I choked, “If you could bring a screwdriver and a dimmer switch, that would help”.

From John Lewis I headed to Superdrug. And purchased a cellulite massager.

Vicious, huh? It’s £2.50 worth of hell. But as a cellulite massager, it is supposed to break down the stubborn bits… blah, blah, blah.

You’d think, as personal trainer, I’d know better.

Wake up woman. It’s fat. FAT. Fatty fatty fat. And no manner of external scrubbing and pummelling is going to move it.

(I have to say though, this daily massaging activity is bringing on my right bicep and tricep muscles very nicely).

So what’s my point? My point is this. That you cannot move fat from where you want it. It just gets used up once you start to eat right and exercise right. No, don’t go away… keep reading… this is the best bit.

These are the Golden Rules for Successful Fat Loss

1. Follow the right eating plan involving all the macronutrients: Fat (yes, fat), Carbohydrates and Protein.
2. Do some weight-training (also called resistance training). That means either using weights or body weight to make your muscles work hard. If you do 10 press ups, the 8th, 9th and 10th should be pretty hard. If they’re not, then make them harder. Your muscles need stimulus in order to become firmer. If anything is too easy, it’s not going to work.
3. Don’t weigh yourself. It won’t show the fat has gone. Only measuring your body with a tape measure will do that.
4. Do some short sharp cardio. Not for long, say about 15-20 minutes. So for example do something really fast and difficult for 20-30 seconds, then have 30-40 seconds rest (so it makes a minute of work and rest). Do that 15 to 20 times. Job done.

These are the UN-SUCCESSFUL Rules for Fat Loss

1. Try to eat as little as possible. (But still manage to squeeze in a Krispy Kreme doughnut).
2. Avoid resistance training because “you don’t want to get muscley” (yawn).
3. Weigh yourself every day. Do your head in. And everyone else’s.
4. Go for a 20 minute run with your friend, chatting about how good it is that you’ve only had a bowl of soup and a Cadbury’s Curly Wurly bar (because they’re only 115 calories) and you’re going to try not to eat anything else until tomorrow.

MUSCLE. Some women hate that word. Muscle is good. It burns energy. It burns fat for us while we’re sitting scrolling through ASOS on the iPad.

If you don’t use that muscle (i.e exercise in the right way) you will lose it and the fat will stay. You need to tell your body that it must use the fat as fuel, and not the muscle.

The candidates who are about to start our next 21 Day BLAST fat loss plan in two day’s time are going to learn all about that in great detail. They will be in no doubt about what works, what doesn’t, what makes their buttocks fleshier and what makes them tighter.

As for me, I’m off to knock out some squats with a large barbell across my shoulders and to plan a week’s eating which may involve soup. But not Curly Wurlys.

Have a great successful fat loss day! Annie x